Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
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So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
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Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??