What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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