No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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