just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
