I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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