so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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