well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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