By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
