yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize