It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize