WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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