So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
