Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
