i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
