i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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