I must be too annoying 4 u.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
