Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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