Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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