she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
