Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
