so that wasnt chicken after all
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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