I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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