I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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