I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
