HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
