I could make wine with my vomit
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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