You smell like stripper and shame
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
