Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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