loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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