I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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