If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
