It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just had sex on a roof
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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