Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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