im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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