I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
