the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
