I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
