VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
