My liver just broke up with me...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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