Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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