Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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