You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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