drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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