idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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