I just made out with a guy for $7.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
