Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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