she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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