NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
