Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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