what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
