i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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