It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
