well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
