I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
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I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
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Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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