FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
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