Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
