Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dick very happy bro
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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