Say something about gay babies.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
