I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
