The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
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You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
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He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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