At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
