some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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