i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
