You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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