Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
