Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
