Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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