i think my mom watched the whole time
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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