I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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