I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize