I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
